they can't stop, mom.

A1 stumbled across my baby brother's picture yesterday. Well, not really stumbled, being that the picture is in a frame on a table in plain sight. But funny how she never mentions his pictures on any given day. Yesterday she decides to say "Mom, I miss your brother & your sister & your Dad too"...

Of course you know there's a backstory that would typically follow this paragraph right? Well, there would be but I'm trying not to be so tragic in 08. Call it a resolution. So here's the compact cheery explanation needed to progress through to the next paragraph. My father is a father from a distance. A loving man whom I've never had the pleasure of being on the receiving end. I'm sure he meant well in his absence. Sometimes it really just does not work out. Ugh, that was hard. Point blank, we don't talk.

So, yesterday when she asks about that side of the family (my brother and sister are only my half, a half that sometimes I forget I have), I surprise myself by saying "Well, I'm having issues right now with my feelings towards my Dad"..Why, Mommy? (you knew that was coming) "Well...because my Dad wasn't there when I was smaller." Why Mommy? "I'm not really sure, but my issue is I felt like he never loved me" ....

"Well Mommy, parents can never stop loving you, you know? They just can't. Like God made them have to always love you. You can't stop loving me, right?" she says & continues putting together her floor puzzle, unkowingly putting together some broken pieces of me at the same time.

"You're right" I say.

She makes everything so simple.

mad happy.

A-1 got in "trouble" in class. Mad.

Why? Because she said (not teased, not taunt, just said as an opinion) to a classmate "My mom looks better than your mom". Happy.

She could have said "I wish my mom looked like YOUR mom"...

How do you punish that? With kisses & ice cream!

the fridge is loud.

So...all the A's are at school. I thought for sure I'd be jumping out of skin with joy but on the contrary...I'm sad. I feel like running upstairs and tying a Cabbage Patch doll around my waist just to feel like I have a baby tugging on me. Classes start for me on Monday so I won't trip for too long..but today the house is too still. I could be cleaning or organizing or washing clothes but that makes too much sense. I much rather miss my kids & be lazy.

I'm feeling much better today in case you were wondering.

I think I'll watch Real Sex on demand in the middle of the day!

WOOHOOO

Woe is me.

Yes, it is indeed one of those days. I feel friendless. Is it possible to just be a person who doesn't do well in friendships? I guess. I am to friendships as I am to blogs. And judging from the dates that past between my posts...you see that I'm not the best of friends when it comes to staying in contact. I could live inside this little world I've created at home without anyone else except...sometimes on a arbitrary Thursday..I'll feel the effects of cutting people off too quickly on the phone or not returning emails promptly.

Le sigh.

I'll be better tomorrow. <-- That is my quick fix to every problem. Don't bother with dealing with it today just assume by tomorrow you'll forget which is just as good as actually being better.

Thumbs up!

I am alive...but barely.

I have the 24-hour stomach bug that is over staying it's welcome.

That's my latest excuse. I'll think of a better one tomorrow. I've been knocking around the idea of doing 100 posts in a row...but I think that sounds like too much obligation for a person who can hardly get her kid to kindergarten on time every morning....so hold your breath for that one.. wait, don't.

Got my hair cut today & I think she went too short. Did I just say I got my haircut AFTER I confessed to having a stomach bug? I believe in sharing. Why keep all the goodness of this quick weight loss diet to myself? I'm a selfish pig who couldn't reschedule. Don't judge me or I'll lick my screen. :-p

I should really update you on A-1's first day of school..but I really am sick, cute as ever in my haircut, but seriously sick. And I'm tired. Soooo very tired. Aren't you getting tired reading this? Which reminds me to look up why yawning is so contagious. I'm back, I just looked it up. Gotta love firefox's tabs. But so says "medical research" it's an unconscious response & even chimpanzees will yawn back. Wow.

I need to keep a notepad on my person to note all the things I want to look up on google. I just started saying "on my person"...how did that go? Did it work for you? I saw someone say it in John From Cincinnati and I thought I'd try it out. I'll keep working at it.

Alright I'm tired. Time to tie up my hair & fall asleep watching Conan.

Good night, sleep tight.

I Think I Got The Wrong Baby...

Five years ago...walking out of GBMC, I think someone switched my sweet baby girl.

Because this can NOT be my child. This can not be my masterful creation. This CAN NOT be my blood.

A1 is allergic to chocolate.

GASP! GASP! SIGH!

Hold up...I just had an Ah-Ha moment writing this very entry. If she's allergic to chocolate & can't have it & I LOVE chocolate & must have it...then we are a perfect pair, aren't we?

AH-HA!

She really is a perfect child.

We're playing chicken?

I'm at the computer, Big A is reading Half-Blood Prince at the dining room table and A3 is crying in the monitor. I guess he's awake from his nap. It's not a full on cry, more like a "what the hell people" cry. Like baby talk bitching. Waa Waa HELLOOO Waa.

It's probably been 3 minutes. Usually we give A3 a few moments to see if he's really awake or just arguing in his dreams. <-- Which he does! But I think he's definately awake..so now the game begins. Who will move first?

Him or me? Maybe if I start sighing loudly he'll think I'm doing school work and take pity on me.

HA! Spoke too soon.

He just went up the stairs.

I WIN!

What a good dad. I guess that makes me a.....

Uh oh, I better start dinner.